dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
