Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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