My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
