I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
