I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
