wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So vagazzling was a success
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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