Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize