I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
