I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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