shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
