they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
