I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
