if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
