my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
