We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
