Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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