you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
