Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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