Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
