Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
