that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
