Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
