So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
