youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
