The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
