those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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