i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
