Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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