would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
