if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
