i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didn't notice because vodka
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I made him laugh his dick is mine
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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