You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
