Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
