Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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