Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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