tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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