He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
