WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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