so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
