I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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