the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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