it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
