One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
