apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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