yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
