I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
