I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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