turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
