You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
