I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize