Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
