There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
