No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I understand Curling. That high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
