so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
