You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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