When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize