Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
