someone threw a dead crab at me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
