Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
