Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
