K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
