He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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