I am puke
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
