ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
