I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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