Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
is that a dick in a sweater?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
