if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
